i wish god were alive to see this: As The World Disintigrates.

August 02, 2006

As The World Disintigrates.

We went to Mexico for Anton's bachelor party. Just south of Rosarito. We rented a mini van and until we got there I was pumped for an easy weekend of surfing and tacos.

We had a private little cove that came with the condo.

What I didn't realize until we crossed the border is that this part of Mexico really is a giant garbage can with dead dogs rotting all over the highway.

My only option was to hide in the cove and swim for seven hours a day.

On the first night we had to drive back to Tijuana to pick up Andrew who was walking across the border. I took one bite of chicken while waiting for him and almost puked. I am pretty sure it was actually dog fajita that I was served. I suppose I could have gone to 'Papa's and Beer' or some other frat tourist place, but that probably would have been even more depressing.

Andrew showed up and we walked around and went to a casino. I bought an awesome little switchblade. There really wasn't much for us there, and I was eager to get back to the condo and do some early am ocean action. We loaded the mini van and drove about 2 blocks before being pulled over by the dreaded Federales.

I was the driver and I had the swithblade. I got to sit in the back of the cop car for a good long while next to a cuffed up black metal junkie. To demonstrate that my knife was indeed sharp, the cop cut my fancy Goyard wallet. He told me that I couldn't have bought such an illegal and dangerous thing here in Tijuana. Meanwhile every store within spitting distance sold them openly. He explained it is a felony to have such a weapon, and that he would be impounding our van and taking me to jail. It seemed the right time to offer a bribe. I started at 40 bucks, and we drove away free once we all agreed that 300 bucks would 'pay the ticket'. My advice to you, unless you are there to buy narcotics, is don't ever go to TJ. It sucks.

The next day it was all about the ocean, and it was good enough that the last night was a funny joke. We also found an espresso and cookie spot, the Cha Cha, that was worthy of many return trips.

How does almost every beach have so much trash on it? Someone down there should try to turn dead dogs into a usable fuel for cars. They are plentiful and would help get rid of the rotting corpse smell.

Down the road we rented ATVs. Riding around with all the river rats and watching them crash, it was pretty amazing.

Anton derbs around the burnt out explorer.

Up the road we pulled over to check out this house.

The naked lady house!

Naked lady house was good, but I was more into 60 ft. Jesus.

Would it be comforting or terrifying to have a view of 60 ft. Jesus from your bed? Probably both.

This is our cove. After a couple of days we named it 'Ring Snatchers'. It stole Rene's ring that he's been wearing for 5 years. It stole Grady's wedding ring. It also tore the crotch completely out of Anton's shorts, but 'Ring Snatchers' sounds better than 'Crotch Rippers'.

This is Cha Cha. She owns Cha Cha's. She is from Boston. She came here 40 years ago and got drunk for 20 years. Now she has spent the last 20 making awesome cakes and visiting with various Shamen and Gurus. She took care of Babe Ruth on his death bed and now has his baseball bat. She is currently taking care of the Lone Ranger on HIS death bed. I talked to her everyday. She was my hero for the weekend.